watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
