I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
