she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
