Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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