Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
