I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
