You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
