No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
