I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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