Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
