She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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