his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
