Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
