meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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