He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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