My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
