Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
