just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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