Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
