I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
