Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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