I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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