My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
