He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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