dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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