that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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