I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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