I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
