Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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