Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
