I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.