I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
