I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
