my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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