I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
