im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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