Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
