There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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