I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
