shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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