I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
