Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
