no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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