R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My vagina is very pro this idea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
