I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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