Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
