Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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