i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
