Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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