Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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