i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
