Just cropdusted the office
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
