Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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