Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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