Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
