you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
