So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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